"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"I'm a big fan of making people think. I think it's important."

"I believe in reincarnation. In my next life, I want to be a cat. To sleep 20 hours a day and wait to be fed. To sit and lick my ass. I've always wanted to do that."

"I'm not a method actor. I'm a 'what do I do now?' actor."

"Why do they call it 'rush hour' when nothing moves?"