"I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't."

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."

"What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it."

"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."

"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand."