Humorous Sayings

I don't regret anything in my life that I have done.

My life is better than a movie. If I tried to write my life as a movie, nobody would believe it.

I'm sick of people telling me I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm just ahead of the curve.

The Royal Family are reptiles. They are shape-shifting reptilians. They are not human.

I can prove the Earth is flat with a laser pointer and a spirit level. You can't do that with a globe.

The greatest pleasure of life is love.

I have killed men, women, and children, old and young, with my own hands. I have seen them roasted, boiled, impaled, and flayed.

You don't get to be Evel Knievel by being a scaredy-cat.

I'm Johnny Knoxville, and I'm going to jump off this building.

I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm trying to be funny. And sometimes, to be funny, you have to be offensive.

My goal is to create a situation where nobody knows what's going on.

I'm an actor, a singer, a dancer, and I'm a man. I'm a woman too. I'm everything.

I'd like to thank the Academy for not nominating me. It's an honor to be ignored.

I can't imagine anyone being interested in a movie about some guy who makes a movie.

I believe the common denominator of the universe is not electricity, or even energy, but fear.

I used to be a go-go dancer, and I was going to be a stripper, but I was too short.

I find it beautiful when people are very, very vulnerable. It's beautiful to see people who are not afraid to be themselves.

I'm not a human being. I'm a human doing.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make things happen, we'd all love one another.

I like a good story, a good song, but I don't like to put myself in the middle of it. I'm just a guy who writes songs and sings 'em.