"Being a celebrity is like being a hooker. You get paid to make people happy."

"I had a period of about seven years when I was drinking and doing drugs, and it was a very dark time. I'm lucky to be alive."

"I just want to be remembered as someone who made people laugh, and hopefully made them think a little bit."

"When in doubt, go for the dick joke."

"If you're not going to be a good example, then you'll just have to be a terrible warning."