"The only reason Mickey Mouse has four fingers is because he can’t pick up a check."

"Sometimes you can have a great time, and then you realize you've been talking to yourself for an hour."

"What's wrong with being a little crazy? It's better than being boring."

"I believe in evolution. But I also believe that God is the one who started the whole process."

"Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma."