"I'm not a fan of political correctness. I think it's a way of shutting people up."

"I'm a little freaked out by the fact that I'm becoming my father. I find myself saying things like, 'Turn off the lights, I'm not paying to light the whole neighborhood!'"

"I'm not a cynical person. I'm just a person who's seen a lot of shit."

"People who are in favor of the death penalty, I don't know why they're so upset about people getting out of jail. It's like, let's kill 'em all! Get 'em out of here! Then we'll have more room for the …"

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."