"I'm a pessimist. I'm really good at it. I've been practicing for a long time."

"Most people are not religious, they just want something that makes them feel good."

"The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."