"I'm a modern man. I've got a cell phone, a laptop, and I'm still trying to figure out how to work the damn remote control."

"I'm not a fan of anything that requires me to get out of bed before noon."

"Most people are not religious, they just want something that makes them feel good."

"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"