"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice, but the stuff with which all history is made is merely fluid ignorance."

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."