"My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately everybody drinks water.)"

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

"I was educated once – it took me years to get over it."

"I was educated in the public schools of Missouri, which were not good enough to do me any harm."