"Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man... living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that h…"

"I'm not a cynical person. I'm just a person who's seen a lot of shit."

"I'm not saying I'm better than you. I'm just saying I'm better than you at being me."

"I’m a modern man, digital and smoke-free; a man for the millennium. A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructionist; politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect."

"I have a lot of anger. I have a lot of rage. I have a lot of resentment. And I use it. I use it in my comedy. I use it in my writing. I use it in my life."