"The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music."

"I'm a pessimist. I'm really good at it. I've been practicing for a long time."

"I'm not a hero. I'm just a guy who tells jokes for a living."

"I'm not a terrorist. I just want to blow things up."

"I'm not a fan of social media. I think it's a bunch of people who are trying to impress each other, and they're all pretending to be happy."