"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."

"I'm a big fan of making people think. I think it's important."

"I drink too much. Way too much. I gave a urine sample and there was an olive in it."

"God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to send to both at the same time."

"I'm not a serious person. I'm a funny person."