"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained."

"It's a classic… something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't satisfactory."

"To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."