Richard Pryor

I got in a fight with my wife. She said, 'You're not a man!' I said, 'I'm a man! I got a penis!' She said, 'Yeah, but it's not working!'

I lost my virginity in the back of a car. It wasn't romantic. It was just... fast.

I don't mind if you don't like my jokes. I just don't want you to tell me about it.

I got rich and famous. And then I got scared. Because I realized I could lose it all.

When you're a kid, you think you're gonna live forever. Then you get older, and you realize you're not.

I got shot five times. And you know what? I still got up and walked away. Because I'm a bad motherfucker.

My father used to beat me with a hose. And he'd say, 'This is for your own good!' I said, 'No, it's not! It's for your pleasure!'

I used to be a pimp. But I wasn't a very good one. I kept falling in love with the girls.

I don't like to talk about politics. Because I don't know anything about it. I just know what I see.

My doctor told me I had to stop smoking. I said, 'Why? Am I gonna die?' He said, 'No, you're just gonna smell bad.'

I believe in God. I just don't believe in the people who say they represent him.

I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of dying. There's a difference.

I used to be a drunk. But then I realized I was just wasting my time. I could be doing something else, like getting high.

My mama always told me, 'Richard, if you don't got nothing good to say, don't say nothing at all.' But I always got something good to say!

I don't know why people say I'm controversial. I'm just telling the truth.

I got a lot of problems. But at least I'm not boring.

I'm not a role model. I'm a warning.

I try to be a good person. But sometimes I just can't help myself.

I got a lot of love in my heart. But I also got a lot of hate. It's a balance.

I'm a survivor. I've been through a lot of shit. And I'm still here.