"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries."

"We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, 'I've decided I want to be cremated.' I said, 'Alright, get your coat.'"

"One of the really bad things you can do to your writing is to dress up the vocabulary, looking for long words because you're maybe a little bit ashamed of your short ones."

"Writing is a lonely profession. And that's okay. Because sometimes, the best company is yourself."

"Jessica was another little sparrowfart with more pimples than brains."