"Some things are just bad. Some things are just evil. Sometimes there's no explanation."

"I have the heart of a small boy—and I keep it in a jar on my desk."

"The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle."

"Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty."

"I attract weirdness, you know, I'm like a weirdness magnet. And I was so weirded out by that point after all these, you know, rubber chicken dinners and everything else that I wasn't even surprised. H…"