"The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—'tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet."

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."

"Nothing so needs reforming more than other people's habits."