"I'm not a savior. I'm just a guy who's trying to help people."

"The very first time I got arrested, I was 20. I was with Jack Burns, a comedy partner of mine. We were arrested in a nightclub in Fort Worth, TX. We were doing a routine called 'The Indian Story' whic…"

"The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfar…"