"It is discouraging to try to penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it thoroughly fumigated, and then put in a new lot of furniture."

"I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say."

"One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke."

"If you don't read a newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read it, you are misinformed."

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."