"My newest horror story: Once upon a time there was a man named Donald Trump, and he ran for president. Some people wanted him to win."

"Are you gonna get ready for bed or just stand there like Helen Keller havin a wet dream?"

"Why did Donald J. Trump cross the road? To see Haitians eating pets on the other side."

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

"Jessica was another little sparrowfart with more pimples than brains."