"I have no special regard for Satan; but, I can at least claim that I have no prejudice against him. It may even be that I lean a little his way, on account of his not having a fair show."

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

"The only two things that are infinite are the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

"The human being is a machine. An automatic machine. It does not reason. It merely acts upon the impulse of the moment."

"If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be—a Christian."