"Being a celebrity is like being a hooker. You get paid to make people happy."

"I don't do drugs anymore. I'm afraid I'd like them too much."

"Sometimes you can have a great time, and then you realize you've been talking to yourself for an hour."

"Why do they call it a 'walkie-talkie'? Why not a 'talkie-walkie'?"

"I'm a big fan of laughter. I think it's the best medicine."