"I love my wife, but sometimes I want to take a picture of her and send it to the police with a caption: 'Have you seen this woman? She's driving me crazy!'"

"I'm an American. I come from a country where we have the right to remain silent... we just don't have the ability."

"The only thing that's worse than being alone is being with someone who makes you feel alone."

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

"I'm a big believer in the power of positive thinking."