"The greatest country in the world, and we're letting it go to the dogs."

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

"It is a most extraordinary thing that the human race is so fond of being humbugged."

"I was educated in the public schools of Missouri, which were not good enough to do me any harm."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."