"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."

"Do your duty today and repent tomorrow."

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."

"I believe that the best way to get a man to do something is to tell him he can't do it."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."