Slavoj Zizek

I despise the kind of book which tells you how to live, how to make yourself happy! Philosophers have no good news for you at this level! I believe the first duty of philosophy is making you understand what deep shit you are in!

Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.

The liberal idea of tolerance is more and more a kind of intolerance. What it means is 'Leave me alone; don't harass me; I'm intolerant towards your over-proximity.

A German officer visited Picasso in his Paris studio during the Second World War. On the table was a photo of Guernica. 'Did you do this?' asked the German. 'No,' replied Picasso, 'you did.'

In a traditional German toilet, the hole into which shit disappears after we flush is right at the front, so that shit is first laid out for us to sniff and inspect for traces of illness. In the typical French toilet, on the contrary, the hole is at the back, i.e. shit is supposed to disappear as quickly as possible.

Better to do nothing than to engage in localized acts whose ultimate function is to make the system run more smoothly.

It's not the same thing: coffee without cream or coffee without milk. What you don't get is part of the identity of what you get.

Trump is a liberal fetish.

My relationship towards tulips is inherently Lynchian: I think they are disgusting. Just imagine, aren't these some kind of--how do you call it? I think that- that flowers are something inherently disgusting. I mean, are people aware what a horrible thing these flowers are? I mean, basically, it's an open invitation to all- to all- to- to all the insects and bees, "Come and screw me." You know? I mean, it's-- I think that flowers should be forbidden to children.

I hate students... they are (as all people) mostly stupid and boring. I hate giving classes... I did teach a class here [at the University of Cincinnati] and all of the grading was pure bluff. I even told students at the New School for example… if you don't give me any of your shitty papers, you get an A.

I found there, on the central square (Václavské náměstí), a café that miraculously worked through this emergency. I remember they had wonderful strawberry cakes, and I was sitting there eating strawberry cakes and watching Russian tanks against demonstrators. It was perfect.

What insolence! Who is that guy who dares to claim that he is nothing too!

Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affair—the only thing unavailable is red ink.

No, the jerk thinks he is Tiger Woods!

My big fear is that if I act the way I am, people will notice that there is nothing to see. So I have to be active all the time, covering up.

When I really love someone, I can only show it by making aggressive and bad-taste remarks.

As a Marxist, let me add: if anyone tells you Lacan is difficult, this is class propaganda by the enemy.

Without the communist oppression, I am absolutely sure I would now be a local stupid professor of philosophy in Ljubljana.

I secretly think reality exists so we can speculate about it.

The ultimate lesson of The Interpretation of Dreams: reality is for those who cannot sustain the dream.