"I'm coming home."

"I can almost promise you some of you will be urinated on. If that happens, we have T-shirts in the gift shop that says, 'I got peed on by a tiger.'"

"I don't know shit about politics. and if you want to write me in as president I'll guarant go goddamn tell you the first thing I'm going to do when I get in that oval offices you know that pen that th…"

"I had to throw a potato from the living room to the dining room just to run out the door."

"I'm a man of many talents, and I'm not afraid to show them off."