"I have a theory that the only way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a good one."

"It was a mistake, said the cow. It was a mistake, said the cow. It was a mistake, said the cow."

"Life is a series of surprises, and I'm always surprised by how much I'm surprised."

"And I say, 'If you're going to be a writer, for God's sake, write.'"

"How nice — to feel nothing, and to be a fair sample of a sturdy American boy."