"I can only imagine what will happen when I die. They’ll probably show my movies at the funeral, and everyone will be screaming."

"I always believe in following the advice of the playwright [Victorien] Sardou. He said: 'Torture the women! ' … The trouble today is that we don't torture women enough."

"My wife is an excellent cook, and I could die eating."

"There is nothing so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating."

"I often wonder what it would be like to be a chicken."