"Jail ain't so bad. You can make it in jail. It's like being in the Army, but the people in jail shot back."

"All Humor Is Rooted In Pain."

"I'm a comedian. My job is to make people laugh. And if I can make 'em think, too, that's a bonus."

"My mama used to whip me so bad, I wished I'd never been born. And if I had a choice, I'd take death."

"My mama always told me, 'Richard, if you don't got nothing good to say, don't say nothing at all.' But I always got something good to say!"