"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

"I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't."

"It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense."

"The very first thing which a man has to do, in order to learn how to do a thing, is to learn how to unlearn it."

"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a hell of a time in heaven."