"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book."

"They say the world has become too complex for simple answers. They are wrong."

"I've never been a great fan of long speeches. I think they're like a good meal: you enjoy the first few bites, but then you start to get full."

"My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We start bombing in five minutes."

"I have only two regrets: that I was never a Marine, and that I never got to play for the Chicago Cubs."