"There are only two things in life that are important: good health and a good woman. And you can't have both."

"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff."

"The mind is like a rubber band. The more you stretch it, the more it expands."

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer and an airline."

"I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird."