"I don't know shit about politics. and if you want to write me in as president I'll guarant go goddamn tell you the first thing I'm going to do when I get in that oval offices you know that pen that th…"

"I'm a rock star. I'm a country music star."

"I'm an American, and I have rights."

"I fed tigers expired Walmart meat—it’s cheaper than dog food."

"At least I will know what it's like running the country from the basement!"