"I bit the head off a bat, and people think I'm fucking nuts. But I've done worse things when I was drunk."

"I'm a bit of a recluse these days. I don't go out much."

"I was a fucking crap burglar. I kept going back and doing the same job, over and over."

"I'm not a very good comedian. I always tell bad jokes."

"I'm not a very good cook. I can burn water."