"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."

"Faith is believing what you know ain't so."

"The only difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector is that the taxidermist leaves the hide."

"The human being is a machine. An automatic machine. It does not reason. It merely acts upon the impulse of the moment."