"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

"Familiarity breeds contempt—and children."

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination."

"The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for."