Turkmenistan's Saparmurat Niyazov

I have created the Ruhnama for the people, so they can understand me, so they can understand their country, so they can understand themselves.

I have ordered that all the libraries in the country be closed, because nobody reads books anyway. Only the Ruhnama is needed.

I have renamed the months of the year after myself and my mother. It is a sign of respect.

I have ordered that golden statues of myself be erected in every city. It is a symbol of our prosperity.

I have decided that all the hospitals in the country, except for the capital, should be closed. People should come to Ashgabat if they are sick.

I have banned opera and ballet. They are not Turkmen. We need our own national art.

I have ordered that all dogs in the capital be collected and sent to the countryside. They are too noisy.

I have made it compulsory for all young people to read the Ruhnama three times a day. It is for their spiritual growth.

I have decreed that all cars in the country must be white. It is a symbol of purity.

I have decided that all the universities in the country, except for the capital, should be closed. Students should come to Ashgabat for education.

I have ordered that all the trees in the country be painted white. It is for cleanliness.

I have banned smoking in public places. It is bad for health. I want my people to be healthy.

I have ordered that all the roads in the country be paved with marble. It is for beauty.

I have decided that all the television channels in the country should broadcast only Turkmen programs. No foreign influence.

I have ordered that all the fountains in the capital be illuminated at night. It is for spectacle.

I have banned the use of gold teeth. It is an insult to our national pride.

I have ordered that all the schools in the country should teach only Turkmen history and culture. No foreign history.

I have decreed that all the buildings in the capital must be clad in white marble. It is for uniformity.

I have made it compulsory for all government officials to wear traditional Turkmen dress. It is for national identity.

I have ordered that all the cars in the country be fitted with special air filters. It is for clean air.